Elijah's Heart

Little eight-year Elijah has captured my heart as he undergoes heart surgery in China. This little boy's smile and brilliant eyes are in the back of my mind and the top of my heart.

He's also given me the opportunity to share about an outreach that is so important...loving our orphans and finding them a family. This little boy has a family somewhere and I look forward to watching God plan his journey to them....where ever they may be.

Elijah has also opened a teachable moment with my little ones. When telling Asher about Elijah and the necessary surgery, he was instantly concerned because he would need so many shots. Adding Elijah to our prayers each night and then receiving updates on the success of his surgery has been a blessing. Asher knows where Elijah lives and who is taking care of him. He is empathetic towards the situation and is learning that God is with Elijah and taking care of him.

Thank you, God, for Elijah and all that you have planned for his life. And, thank you for my four blessings and the opportunity to be their mom.

Time to Blog Again

I cannot believe how much time has past since my last post, but I am happy to report I feel much better than that day! I do find that I'm just so tired, trying to keep up with four children, but oh, I really do love it and them. They are such a joy to me. I cannot imagine doing anything else with my life.

I'm going to add some photos and then plan on actually posting on a regular basis from here on out. We have moved to our new home and feel so blessed. I think about the past year and all God has given us. It's been a wonderful year. Challenging at time, yes, but with mainly filled with overflowing blessings.

Becoming Mom

I have found I need an outlet for all the feelings I have right now. I have no idea if anyone reads this blog...this is for me.

We've been home with Asher for one-month. It's been exhilerating, happy, sad and trying all at the same time. It's been the best moments of our lives and the worst all wrapped into a few short weeks. I am reminded of what my mom used to say to me...this, too, shall pass.

When you adopt a baby they need you. Period. There is no question mark, no time before that they can remember well. Immediately they look to you as mom because you are it. Not so with a 4 year old. They've lived a life completely apart from you. They've developed thoughts and actions that you've had no control over, no guidance and no say about.

Since Jan. 2005 I have looked over Asher, ever since I knew he existed. I could not make any decisions regarding him, I could not do anything that could begin to bond us as mother and son in his eyes. But for me, that bond began without his knowledge, without his physical presence in my life, with every fiber of my being. Every ounce of me desparately needs him to understand how much I love him and need him in my life. I need him to understand how much I've prayed for him to become my son.

But, he looks at me with empty eyes that do not see my longing. He tests my resolve and pushes me away. He disrupts my perfectly ordered life and makes me take notice. What is it he needs, really needs, to see my love for him? How is it he can shut me out and completely draw me in at the same time?

I am Asher's mother. It was written in the book of our story long before I was even born. We will love and understand each other. I will capture his heart over time.

Awesome Kids

Last night, right before Sam went to bed, he came back to our room because he wanted to share that on Monday night he really prayed really hard for TA and then, the next day, it came...which of course, Philip and I said, "Why didn't you pray real hard sooner??" We had a good laugh, but after he left the room I sat there thankful for our precious children.

I cannot believe how each day progresses with Jacob & Sam becoming more and more like young men and not my little boys. Jacob keeps assuring me that Anna will be fine because he will take care of her...and he will. He is very much the "oldest" child with wisdom and caring beyond his age. He is also gracious and excited that his part of the adoption will be to stay home with Anna so Sam can experience personally Asher's adoption.

Sam amazes me more everyday. Gone is the clingy three year old who did not want to be left at preschool. Gone is the child that used to start every sentence with "I want" God used Sam's heart to begin the journey to Asher. He stayed the course of his conviction until all of us agreed to see ifAsher's adoption was the plan for our family. It taught me to never discount the heart of a child in very big matters.

Anna is precious. We continually talk about Asher's adoption and the fact that Mommy, Daddy & Sam all will travel to China so we can complete his adoption and bring him home. We go to the map and talk about how far of a trip it is. We talk about Zhuzhou and how we all traveled to adopt Anna. She will repeat bits and pieces of her story, mixing in Asher's, too. Then, with an understanding that tears through my heart, she'll say, "Thank you, Mom." To which my tear choked voice will add, "No, thank you for letting me be your mommy."

So, this morning, before I begin working on cleaning and packing lists, p.o.a and medicine lists, I must pray. Thank you, God, for the awesome privilege to be Jacob, Sam, Anna and soon Asher's mom. I know you chose me to be their mom and I want to be the best one possible. I am humbled and honor that you would answer our prayer to add Asher to our family. Be with us over the next few weeks as we prepare for this journey and separation. Give us your peace, comfort and grace. Use us to show Jesus to everyone we meet. Amen.